Why not?

I like to picture us as one of those annoying couples that everyone is jealous of because we're so much alike. Because we're so in sync with one another. We would never spell it out "in sync" though, choosing instead to refer to our relationship as N'Sync, because, well, why not? We'd be adorable together, bickering over a ridiculous celebrity news story, fighting over which late night show to watch (while really we'd both be paying no mind to the TV, instead reading some insightful novels recommended by John Green), and arguing over which of our favorite chinese restaurants to go for dinner. I feel like we'd have our own YouTube channel but would never actually upload anything to it. We'd make tons of random videos but never feel they were good enough for the inter-webs, deciding instead to strictly share them with close friends at get-togethers. We'd be completely amazed by one another still, after 6 years of ups and downs, our friendship would be the world to the other. We'd be in love still of course. We'd look back on High School and appreciate it as the life that gave us one another, but not much else. We'd be we, which is all we would need.

I wouldn't be writing this of course, because there would be no need to look back on life and picture how it could be different. I wouldn't want it to be different. I would have you and that's all I'd need. But I wouldn't be me. I'd be someone else at this point in my life. You'd be someone else at this point in your life.

Instead, we're both two separate people, two people independent of one another. We aren't a we, an us, a them. I'm me. When I think of it, you're really a stranger to me. I don't know the person you've become just like you don't know the person I've become. I can theorize all I want about what could have been, what might have been, what should have been, but in the end there's no use but the hilarity of it all.

Looking back is interesting... Looking forward is hard... Making up my own story of everything along the way, that's just silly, but why not?

Good Fighting & Insomnia

Hi Blog... I forgot about you... apologies from an insomniac who has to be awake for a full day of classes in 4 hours.

As it is, I'm really content with my life. Like, extremely content, actually. I'm all moved in to the new apartment and ready to start a semester full of classes I'm really looking forward to. My room mates are the best I could've asked for. We laugh, we fight, we dance and eat chipotle (not at the same time of course... although, very possibl

e). To those of you who think I'm ridiculous for thinking the fact that we fight is a good thing, consider this: Would you rather live with people who keep their feelings bottled up and never shares what they're thinking with you, or would you rather live in an outgoing setting where everything is out in the open and talking about it means fixing it? Fighting is good, especially with your friends. For a long tine now I've known this and I wish more people realized it. To bicker or to yell means you have emotions, you have feelings. It means YOU CARE! When I've reached a point in a relationship where I feel comfortable telling someone that they're being a pain in the ass, I can consider them a friend. Sorry to say, but if I've never been mad at you, I probably could give two shit ab

out you.

So setting everything up was quite the adventure and I'm really happy to have this great new place to call home for the next four months. I'm even happier (more happy?) to be starting some classes (in 4 hours, to remind you) that will be useful to me in the pathway of life I've chosen. Along that pathway I hope to find a camera, some witty script, and some swanky artistic directors who can help bring my ideas to life. I have a lot to learn and I can't fucking wait

to start. Tomorrow if my first film production class and when I say I can't wait, that's an understatement. I finally know what's right for me, and now that I do... I'm ready for it. That might be why I'm sitting here awake at now 3:41 AM. I'm thinking so much about what tomorrow is opening up for me (well wait... what TODAY is opening up for me... shit I need to be asleep). Yeah yeah yeah, since it's the first day I'll probably just get an introduction to the course, a syllabus, and a go around of all my new classmates' names, BUT it has to start somewhere.

Tuesday.

Where are you resisting being of service?

I'm resisting being of service to myself. I don't allow myself to be the person I want to be. I see my potential but don't act on it.

What are you saying yes to?

I'm accepting a lot more in terms of offers in my daily life. I say yes to going out for the night, yes to auditioning for a part in a show, yes to giving myself some time to relax and enjoy myself. In my improv class this semester we're working on accepting offers, and literally have to say yes to everything. I've realized it's harder to say yes than I'd imagined because it's just so easy to say no. Saying yes the past few weeks has offered me a lot more than saying no would have and I'm grateful for learning this maxim.

What are you grateful for today?

Music

Dance

Rest

Question of the Day

Where in your life are you being stingy? What do you love to contribute to the world?

Stingy to me means holding back from something. Like, "my mom is stingy and won't let me have ice cream".. that sort of thing. I guess it could be associated with unwillingness though. I wouldn't say I'm very unwilling though... just not very willful... does that make sense? I need to learn how to be more willing of new situations and people and experiences. I know that seems broad but it's the truth. I'm stingy when it comes to putting myself out there and making a new friend or meeting a new guy. I need to accept myself and fully enjoy and take advantage of social situations I'm in. I love to contribute smiles to the world. I want to make people happy. I want to make myself happy. I hope I contribute some happiness to the world. That's why I'm such a goof sometimes, I like making people laugh, I like giving people something to enjoy. Maybe that's why I love to be on stage so much.

K

Issues

It's good having those few people who you can tell anything. You, abyss of the internet, are one of those people. When I used to literally write in a journal I loved the ability to say anything I wanted without consequence and here I think I can do the same. We'll see how this goes...

Over the past few days I've realized I have issues. I have this inability to harvest emotions like normal people do. I also have this inability to get over things. Things being when I have feelings for a person and never really have the chance to get over them because I spend every single day with them. Things also being that when reunited with said person feelings come back when I've tried pretty hard to get over said feelings. Those things annoy me. That's why I have issues.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I had these feelings during the biggest change in my life. Maybe it's because I haven't found someone new. Maybe it's because I can't help it. Maybe it's because I'm really meant to be with this person. I'll try not to think about that last maybe, because if that were the case then things would be a lot easier, right? Yeah, that last maybe should be discarded. The sheer fact that I've noted it is cause for concern. Gosh I have issues.

June 23rd

I know it's no longer June 23rd but whatever...

I just wanted to thank June 23rd for bringing us Jason Mraz!
And for allowing me to listen to all 9 hours of his music which I have on my itunes, in one day.

In the words of Mr.A-Z
"Life is too short to be small"

K

Nice Day

The sun was shining most of today and although I didn't set aside time to enjoy the nice weather, I do thank it for bringing along a nice day. It was a relief not having to dodge raindrops on my way in and out of my car, as I've grown accustomed to. Thanks climate change for bringing Jersey all this rain in June!

I woke up later than I wanted to this morning... well, this afternoon... but I still accomplished most of what I needed to get done. Father's Day gift (check), clean my room (check), do laundry (check), get my little sister's birthday present (che... well not really..). Today consisted on sleeping late, going to the mall, and enjoying a delicious dinner. All three of which are things I love to do (and might I say, do very well)!

Top three reasons today was awesome:
*drum roll*

1. So although I meant to buy this coloring book for my 5 year old sister's birthday which is this weekend, it turns out it has much more potential. Basically, I'm keeping it all for myself. Some people say "it's like stealing candy from a baby." But to me "it's like stealing creative supplies from a child." This awesome coloring book joins the list of countless crayons, markers, and gel pens I've borrowed from my younger siblings. However, I did buy this myself and never actually gave it to her... so I feel it's fine.



2. Found this dress at Rue 21 for $20! It was love at first sight and I just had to had to have it! I know it cost a lot more than it's probably worth... but I don't care. There are just certain things one needs in life... and I needed this dress!!!








3. When I got home from the mall my parents had already eaten dinner. But my stepdad had thought of me and, knowing I wouldn't be home, picked up my favorite treat from a local pizzaria. It's called a rice ball. But it's not just a normal rice ball. It's filled with meat and veggies and sauce and deliciousness!!!!! Needless to say, I enjoyed it very much as my dinner!

Peace, Love, Potter

Kristina